10 Levels of Stocktake Hell

If there is possibly something more evil than some one who steals the blankets at night or squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, its god damn STOCKTAKE…

I hadnt previously experienced a real stoketake during my time at the pub.. I had heard stories of the horrors it involved but never really felt any empathy… ‘couldn’t possibly be that bad!’ id think to my self…

Id like to take the time to apologise to anyone who i previously sent these thoughts towards silently in my head… Im ever so sorry..

For all of you naive people who couldnt comprehend the stocktake demon… cling on to the happiness you have, because it will be sucked dry as soon as they hand you the barcode scanner…

I innocently thought it wouldnt be that bad when i walked into the bookstore at 11 yesterday morning, all dressed in comfy jeans and singlet.. me and Melissa were to start in the back room by ourselves untill 4 when the shop closed and the others can come to help us… our back room is a tiny narrow hall like room were only one person can walk down at one time.. if confronted with someone coming the other way in the back room.. one of you have to huddle up in a gap between the towers of books while the other passes.. three of the walls are floor to roof stacked up full of books of everykind.. 9 shevlesup and two layers deep in most parts, plus another wall of boxes full of books as well…

So faced with this me and mel start off.. choose a wall each..

So i spend the next three hours teetering at the top of a ladder juggling a pile of books in one arm and wielding a highly expensive stocktake scanning contraption in the other, many close calls came and went where i thought i was either goin to plunge to my death or drop the forsaken device.. luckily the only thing that fell was an avalanche of books every so often..

thinking i had almost finished this terrible wall of doom, i recount the shelves, 1..2..3…4..5..6….7…8……9?! there are 9!!! i only counted eight of them goddammit!!! GEEZUS!!! which one did i miss??? freakin hell!! this cant be happening!! with my hands clamped to the side of my head i gaze dizzily up at the looming mountain of books… mind empty… just staring…. i sit on the ground… starting to freak out… feeling overheated… the constant beeping from Mels scanner feels like someone stabbing a compass in my ear…

So after my mini mental break down i suck it up and choose a shelf at random which i think is the one i missed… Beep…. Beep…. Beep….. Beep….. continue the never ending scanning.. shuffling piles of books off the shelf and balance them on one leg against another pile so i can reach the ones behind them, and then the ones behind them and so forth… copping a few paper cuts here and there I finally finish the shelf… phew.. time for a cookie..

Yes there is one saviour in this sad sad story and they are Mel’s cookies.. possibly the most divine cookies on earth.. i mean i have never EVER tasted a bikkie so good… there were choc chip, double choc, smartie, choc smartie, and the favourite, mars bar cookie.. plus chocolate and macadamia slice… Mmmmmm.. paper cuts long forgotten i munch on a cookie.. and don’t forget a glass of milk..

SO we tediously finish the back room in 4 hours… now there are 20 times as many books in the actual store smugly sitting on their shelves waiting to be scanned.. plus a billion book marks, cards, stickers, stamps, boardgames, Slinky’s ect ect… so we trudgingly do the whole store stopping for a bikkie break every so often..

DONE! thank goodness for that… have a sandwich and a banana… (yes Tim i was forced to be healthy due to lack of money)

“Now to check the discrepancies!” …….. “The decripemny-whatsarhs?… no one informed me we have to CHECK anything! i just counted the goddamn things!! if one or two are missing then so be it! they’l turn up eventually!”

So we are forced to emu march back through the store and count whether there are 6 Ruby the Fairy books instead of 5, ect… that’sanother hour extra… we have been in the shop for 11 hours now.. its 10.30.. the air conditioning was turned off in the centre at 6.. four hours of 7 people running around scanning madly and Australia’s delicious humidity has turned our quaint bookstore into an oven.. GET ME OUT OF HERE!!…………………

We are free!

Yehaa! skip and dance we are free!! grab one or two more cookies for the road and lets hightale ourselves as far away from this forsaken place as possible…

I arrive home exhusted and dirty…

But whats this??? i cant seem to fall asleep… hmm maybe if i roll over.. or get a drink of water.. my head is hurting… Hmmm sleep sleep sleep… no such luck…

FUCK….

Damn you Mel and you fantastic cookies full of fantastic SUGAR! which is making sleep as much as a trial as running in water…

Eventually i drift off to sleep with the faint beep beep beep beeping echoing in my ear…

Beep…