The bird in the kitchen

Ok it is 5.35 Sunday morning, i have just now returned home after a fantastic night dancing with my friends to discover we have an intruder in our mitts… some how a wild bird has gotten in the house and has taken our kitchen hostage!!

Yes a bird!!! ARHHHH!!!! i don’t know what to do?? right now as i type this message a savage wild bird is loitering around my kitchen pecking and possibly pooing on anything it wishes. i dare not disturb it, for it may find my delicate eyes a fine target for its beak to attack… i commando crawled on the ground with lukes camera to get proof of this beast…. ( i couldn’t alert Luke because this creature is guarding his door) i would have to crawl past it to get to his room… so I’ve had to think up another devious plan of my own to rid us of this vermin… i opened our front door and veranda sliding door as the first preparation for my scheme… then i positioned myself in the bathroom with the door ready to slam close if need be… after taking a few photos i use my Mobile to call lukes phone, which is in his room with him asleep blissfully unaware of the nightmare that awaits him..

I have planed to tell him to open his door and walk out of his room so he will scare the bird from his end of the dining room through the kitchen down the hall (past me) and out one of the front doors, this plan could easily back-fire and have the bird freak out and savagely attack Luke’s face as punishment for cornering it in the other end of the kitchen… but this is a risk I’m willing to take….

Luke will be too delirious with sleep and alcohol to even comprehend whats happening…

so im calling Luke……… ringing, ringing, ringing… AH! damn message bank!!

OK OK, calm down maybe he just didn’t hear it.. try again… ringing, Ringing, RINGING!!!! Message bank!!!

Answer Damn You!!! I would prefer not to sacrifice myself this morning, but i can not sleep knowing this bird is in my house… what if it gets in my room!! *shiver* too horrible to even think about…

abandoning Luke as any sort of help for he is unconscious. i start to spy on the bird to try and figure out its mind frame… Its on our ironing board strutting up and down it observing me with its black eyes… the cold eyes of a murderer… should i throw something in the room to get it moving, is it best to keep it on its toes? or lull it into a false sense of security?? its all so confusing!!! if only i paid more attention to Ranger Stacey!

I camp out in the living room, racking my brain for new ideas… by the way, Tim, if you are reading this you did come to mind! you almost got an early morning mercy dash call… but wait is that little claws i hear on carpet???

‘Gasp!’ Its walking down the hall! HIDE! i see him… sneaking down our hall past the couch, i swear i see his pointy little tongue lick his razor sharp beak… thats it, keep going, towards the open door…. he is on our veranda!!! Success!!! i can slam the door in his stupid little face now! Bahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

But alas… as i see him fly away into the pale pink that is early morning i feel empty inside… i miss him…..